


The Thing

by HeartSandwich



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Both of them, F/M, Poe is a man hoe but TBH what did you expect?, late night disord musings, naive space babies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:21:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21985120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeartSandwich/pseuds/HeartSandwich
Summary: Rey and Ben are just a bit naive.
Relationships: Finn/Rose Tico, Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 16
Kudos: 14





	The Thing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [5cents](https://archiveofourown.org/users/5cents/gifts), [lunalunemoon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunalunemoon/gifts), [shuns](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shuns/gifts), [strawberrycupcake_huckleberrypie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberrycupcake_huckleberrypie/gifts).



> This little oddity is dedicated to the wonderful [5cents](https://archiveofourown.org/users/5cents) and all my other space dolphins. 
> 
> Nic, I can't believe we wrote this in October and I have _finally_ memorialized it here for us and whatever other poor soul stumbles upon it. Happy New Year, friend!

Rey and Rose are sitting in Rey's room drinking Glendorian wine and Rey is tipsier than she's ever been.

Rey: So. Rose. You and Finn...

Rose looks away and blushes.

Rey: I knew it!

Rose: What do you know?

Rey: You're doing it, aren't you?

Rose: Doing what?

Rey: The thing!

Rose, giggling: What thing?

Rey: You know, _it._

Rose: Do you even know what _it_ is?

Rey: Yes?

Rose, skeptical: Okay, so tell me then.

Rey: Well, you're kind of... touching... right? And making noises. It's like when you're touching yourself, but the other person is doing it.

Rose is trying not to laugh but is clearly dying.

Poe walks in: Rose, are you okay? You're all red.

Rose can't even breathe for laughing so hard.

Poe: Okay, what is so funny? What did I miss?

Rose: Rey, tell him what you told me.

Rey repeats herself.

Poe can't hold it in, guffawing loudly and toppling over.

Rey, determined not to be embarrassed: Why are you laughing?

Rose looks at Poe: Will you tell her, or do I have to?

Poe tries to compose himself and fails. He looks at Rey again: Rey, do you know what sex is?

Rey looks at Poe, perplexed: Yes. It's what I just told you.

Rey looks between Rose and Poe questioningly: Isn't it?

Rose and Poe share a look and try to hold in their laughter.

Poe: Rey... basically...

More laughter from Rose and Poe. 

Poe: You put the man's p in the woman's v.

Rey, shocked: WHAT?

* * *

Rey confronts Ben: Did you know about this, Benjamin?

Ben is at a complete loss because his information comes from the Knights. Which he'd rather not get into their shenanigans. They'd shown him by shadow puppets (because their Master's baby ears are too precious).

> _Knights of Ren:_ 👉👌
> 
> _Ben: So... I'm not getting this... I put my finger into her fingers?_
> 
> _KOR:_ 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️
> 
> _KOR, amongst themselves: Just tell him babies are born in cabbage patches_
> 
> _KOR: Okay, let's try this another way. Imagine a cave. And stalagmites. You will take your stalagmite and put it in her cave of wonders._
> 
> _Ben, still so confused: Why would I have a stalagmite? That's already in the cave._
> 
> _And then, Ben:_ 🤯
> 
> _KOR: On no! We broke our Master! Damage control! Damage control!_

Rey: Okay, let me get this straight. You will take your finger... and put it in my fingers? But Poe said p in v. So am I pregnant now?

Ben: **😱** I don't know. I don't think so. Babies are from cabbage patches. Right?

Rey: Do we have to link fingers in a cabbage patch to get pregnant?

* * *

Rey: So we're pregnant now.

Leia: 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

Rey: Yeah, Ben put his fingers into mine and we went to the cabbage patch.

Leia, perplexed AF and realizing she's not getting a grandbaby and realizing both her children are sweet idiots: **🤦**

Leia proceeds to tell them by presentation and diagrams.

Rey and Ben: **🤯🤯**

Rey smacks Ben: SEE! I told you it was with the p and v. Like Poe said.

Leia, alarmed: Rey, darling. Please don't ever take this sort of advice from Poe.

Rey: Why not? He's my friend. 

Leia, looking around for a way to explain politely: Poe is... adventurous. A donut **🍩** everyone has bitten from.

Rey: I love donuts!

Ben: No you don't!

Rey: Ben is an eclair.

Ben: **😍😍😍**

Leia: horrified but also knows that Rey has NO idea about her inuendo.

**Author's Note:**

> Do they ever have sexy times? 
> 
> Possibly. 
> 
> Once I figure out the emojis.
> 
> Sorry in advance, fandom.


End file.
